


The Mysterious Mind of Shane Madej

by madamecrimson



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment (Web Series)
Genre: BDSM, Collars, Dom/sub, Guilt, M/M, Master/Slave, Masturbation, Ownership, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23389522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamecrimson/pseuds/madamecrimson
Summary: Shane Alexander Madej was never one to do things in half measures. He only had one gear, always dialed up to 11.He'd slaved for long hours across many nights over his theater display for Puppet History. He'd combed through thousands of files of Ryan's audio recordings from Unsolved to add Ryan's voice to the Hot Daga series. He'd research for his Watcher shows until he was physically unable to stay awake.However, Shane had never really felt comfortable expressing his inner feelings of passion and intensity, fearful that he would overwhelm people. He ended up adopting a more mild-mannered demeanor, finding that it won him many friends and feelings of trust from others. He often felt he was the only one like this, until he met Ryan Steven Bergara.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 124
Kudos: 445





	1. Insomnia

Ryan never did things in half measures either. 

He'd put in every ounce of effort when it came to filming under tight deadlines, sometimes to the point of hanging on by a frayed thread. He'd spend extreme amounts of time researching for Unsolved to ensure that all discussed theories were addressed. He'd work out at the gym until he was drenched in sweat and could feel his ears ringing. 

Unlike Shane, however, Ryan wore his heart on his sleeve. He never just "smiled"; he beamed, filling Shane's whole body with warmth whenever he bore witness to it. He never just "laughed;" he cackled, and Shane would increasingly try to get a rise out of Ryan, desperately chasing the richness of the sound. He was never just "scared"; he was terrified, whenever they explored any allegedly haunted location, and Shane would continuously up the ante, having each of them step into rooms individually, taunting ghosts. Shane had never met anyone who bore that same inner working, until he met Ryan. 

He was not entirely sure when "it" all started, but he can pinpoint the exact date and time that realization began to bloom within him. 

The past few days had not been kind to him. Restlessness gave way to insomnia. 

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. 

His trips to the kitchen at work to refill his mug with coffee became more and more frequent. He began to wonder if it would just be easier to hook his arm up to an IV and get the caffeine in him that way. 

It wasn't until Ryan approached him on Thursday that the fog in his mind stared to dissipate, and truths that have been under lock and key for years began to rise to the surface of his consciousness.

"You okay big guy?" Ryan prompted from his side of the desk. 

Shane sat with his chin resting in the palm of his hand, propping it up. The fingers of his other hand twitched where they gripped the handle of his coffee mug. 

"Fine," he murmured distractedly, reading the same sentence for the third time. 

Even as Shane started blankly at his computer screen, he could feel the look of worry on Ryan's face, hear the gears turning his head. Shane sighed heavily, about to blame his current state on work stress when he realized that Ryan had moved so that he stood beside Shane. Ryan's eyes were deeply sincere and brimming with concern, like he couldn't help but spill it everywhere. It made something in Shane's chest clench, and despite his habit of not talking about personal matters to the people he cared about, he found himself confessing to Ryan about his insomnia. 

"I haven't been sleeping well the past few days," Shane admitted. 

"Why? Work anxiety? Obi keeping you up? Existential dread that eats away at your soul?" Ryan inquired. 

Shane laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. "If I had the answer to that, I _would_ be sleeping well," Shane muttered. 

He groans when he sees Ryan pulling up a chair to sit next to him. "You're not seriously gonna go all Freud on me are you?" Shane asked. 

"Nah, you'd need a bigger couch," Ryan joked and Shane rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smile. Ryan's expression morphed back into one of seriousness and worry. "Sleep is super important dude. You need to figure out what's keeping you up." 

Shane shrugged. "I could also try a sleep supplement." 

"Whatever it is you should be doing something," Ryan urged. "Something different. Because whatever you're doing right now isn't working." 

Ryan stood then, reaching across Shane's desk to take his coffee mug away from him. Shane caught Ryan's wrist before he could even graze the ceramic. Shane kept his gaze fixed on Ryan, able to feel Ryan's quickening pulse beneath his fingertips. Shane had known Ryan long enough to be able to determine that the look on his face was not one of fear or annoyance. However, it was an expression Shane couldn't readily identify. Curiously, Shane quirked an eyebrow, giving Ryan's wrist a light tug. He saw Ryan's eyes flutter, saw his cheeks redden, saw his Adam's Apple bob in his throat. Ryan made no move to step away until Shane released his grip. They remained there in silence for a moment before Ryan moved back to his side of the desk. 

Shane's fingers still felt warm where Ryan had been in his grasp. 

Shane wouldn't draw any conclusions right away, but that was the day that he first started to really think about "it."


	2. Introspection

Insomnia left Shane with far too much time on his hands. The early hours of the morning would creep up on him, the sky slowly growing bright as if to scold him for staying up too late. He'd normally make himself a warm drink, sit at his kitchen table, and clasp his hands around the heat of his mug. Too much time lead to too much thinking. Or maybe, he hadn't been thinking enough. 

On that particular Friday morning, he was playing back the events of yesterday in his head. Ryan had reached out to take Shane's mug and Shane had stopped him. It wasn't that odd of a scenario really, given the nature of their dynamic but the more Shane thought about it, the more he began to question what exactly their dynamic was.

They had worked together for years now, and Ryan hadn't been exaggerating when he had said that they had seen more of each other than anyone else throughout that time. Although, he seemed to be mentioning that fact more lately. Not in a woeful tone either like it bothered him or like he felt limited in other areas of his life. It was always his go-to defense whenever Shane would respond to a fan question about whether or not Ryan and he were still friends. Shane would always say they weren't; partially for the humor of the bit but Shane knew there was more underneath his words that he hadn't wanted to unpack. He had built up enough of a deadpan sarcastic repertoire to get away with it without anyone being the wiser. Ryan's eyes would always change when he would offer his defense. Shane couldn't tell exactly what emotion that they were conveying, but knew that they were expressing a lot of whatever it was. It was almost like Ryan felt compelled to confirm how close they were, in spite of Shane's comments. 

Shane's insomnia followed him into the weekend, his hair wild and his eyes heavy. 

Clarity in his thoughts began to take shape. What had before just been fuzzy edges were coming into focus. This...thing. It wasn't new. It had been going on for quite some time.

Shane had cataloged so many of Ryan's intricacies at this point that he felt like an encyclopedia, the information so enmeshed with himself that he knew that Ryan was an inextricable part of him now. 

That situation with the mug hadn't been odd, but it had demonstrated to Shane something deeper. 

He'd felt an inkling of it the last time they'd filmed Top 5 Beatdown, when Shane had glared at Ryan with a heated darkness behind his eyes. It had appeared to be just another bit, but Shane had intention behind it and with the way Ryan reacted, Shane knew he'd seen it. Ryan had tried to jokingly play it off, but Shane could see him crumbling just a little. He'd felt it that day when they'd been filming Watcher Weekly, and Ryan had escalated from teasing Steven to pawing at him, to the point where Shane had had to curl a hand around Ryan's shoulder and pull him back, had to sternly scold Ryan to get him to stop. He'd felt it during another Watcher Weekly filming when Ryan had made a bit show out of hugging Steven, and Steven had commented on how Shane was merely watching Ryan while it was happening. Shade had felt his blood boiling as white hot jealousy coursed through him. It wasn't just that Ryan was hugging Steven (though that was certainly part of it) and it wasn't that Steven had brought up Shane's reaction. It was that Ryan had wanted Shane to watch, had wanted Shane to react. Shane had claimed to not want to partake, but before he could finish putting forth his token protest, pretend to be even more absorbed in his phone than he was, Ryan had wrapped his arms around him. Ryan's head had turned it a way that it rested against Shane and Shane had had to hold himself back. From what, at the time, he wasn't sure, but he had returned the hug in a seemingly casual manner. The dreamy grin Ryan had given him after was anything but casual. 

All at once he was hit with a powerful ache low in his stomach. He didn't just want a causal hand on the shoulder here, a short hug there, banter and beer. 

He wanted more. He wanted all of it. 

He wanted to feel Ryan's bare skin under his touch. He wanted to see every single emotion play across Ryan's face like a symphony with Shane as the conductor. He wanted to draw out every sound the man could make. He wanted to taste every inch of him. He wanted to be able to smell himself on Ryan. He wanted to expand his already existing catalog until it was complete. He wanted all of Ryan, his heart, his mind, his body. He wanted Ryan to belong to him and no one else. 

The hunger consumed him from the inside out, and he was weak from the agony of his desire. His hand was shoved down his pajama pants before he could even give it a second thought, his mind able to pull up memory after memory of Ryan, any and every one that Shane wanted to select. As Shane stroked over himself, he recalled little details like the difference between Ryan's smile when he was amused, when he was happy, when he was smug. He let his shoulders remember every light squeeze, his leg remember every awkward pat, his back and chest remember the soft warmth during the rare occasions when Ryan would hug him. He remembered how Ryan always seemed to wear his t-shirts just a bit too tight, soft fabric straining against his muscles; he knew Ryan was likely preening but he didn't care. He let his mine travel deeper to memories of Ryan's kind words, his earnest way of talking to others, the way his entire being was raw and honest with an authentic beauty that couldn't be replicated. His vision swam as his hips rose off his chair and he came hard across his hand, his entire body trembling with release. His whole body was shaking as he tried to catch his breath. He couldn't ever remember feeling this way toward another person, couldn't remember wanting someone so badly, couldn't remember feeling this _consumed_ by someone. 

As his heart rate slowly returned to normal, and the come began to dry on his hand, he felt an overwhelming wave of guilt wash over him. He was convinced something must be wrong with him to want Ryan to _belong_ to him. He thought that would be abusive, that he was messed up in the head; he knew that such relationships existed with consent involved but he always thought of that as being something for other people, not himself. He tried his hardest to block out these feelings, shove them down, like he had done for so many years. But once the dam broke, there really wasn't any going back. 

He cleaned himself off, even going so far as to take a shower. He knew that despite his realizations, he would need to keep Ryan safe from his feelings toward him. No matter how much it might hurt Shane, he didn't know if he could bare it if it lost Ryan. And that thought absolutely terrified him.


	3. Instigation

Shane begins to realize why sleep deprivation is used as a torture method. 

Despite him chugging increasing amounts of coffee, he could still feel the lingering effects of his insomnia, and it complicated his life more than Shane thought possible. At home he would spend hours researching his urges, others who experience them, those who like to be on the receiving end. His rationale was that maybe if he could somehow quantify this thing, it would be easier to get rid of. 

All it does is lead him to changing his daily routine so that he gets off before work to avoid walking around with a boner all day. He supposes he should consider himself lucky that he's spent years crafting a more low key disposition because the effects he's experiencing largely go unnoticed. 

But Ryan notices. Of course Ryan notices. 

Shane and he had become so intertwined over the years after spending so much time together that Ryan could tell the difference in Shane's sighs by an almost imperceptible change in tone. It was incredibly inconvenient. And only served to make Shane more ravenous. But Shane held himself back. While he'd gained a greater understanding of this sort of dynamic, it still felt alien to him. Shane was perceptive enough to tell that Ryan had also contributed to their dynamic, but he was doubtful that Ryan was quite as depraved as he was, that even if Ryan was interested in something beyond friendship there was no way he would be into it in the same capacity that Shane was. In pulling away from the foundation they had already cultivated, Shane assumed that Ryan would do the same. Their game had always been a push-pull type of situation, one of them pulling back when things got too close, too much. 

However, it seemed that without Shane to balance things, Ryan was all push. 

What drove Shane mad was the fact that everything Ryan was doing wouldn't have garnered attention from most people but it was glaringly obvious to him. And Ryan knew that. And he was using it to his advantage. It started off in a manner that most would describe as innocent but to Shane it was anything but. 

He arrived to work and saw that the items that he normally kept on the left side of his desk had been moved to the right side. Shane had already deduced that this was Ryan's doing, but when Ryan greeted him that morning the proof was written all over his face. 

"Hey Shane," Ryan said with a smile. 

"Hey," Shane replied with a small smile in return. 

He turned his gaze toward his desk, moving his items back into their proper place. He hoped Ryan would get the message. 

Later that afternoon when Shane returned from the bathroom, he found that the items had again been moved to the right side of his desk. He sighed heavily. He would have entertained the idea that maybe Ryan didn't get the message if he didn't already know that Ryan had simply ignored it. 

"Apparently the office is haunted," Shane stated distantly, moving his things again. "It looks like a couple of ghosts have been moving my stuff around." 

He could hear the excitement in Ryan's inhale, knowing he was about to triumphantly declare that Shane _did_ believe in ghosts, but Shane cut him off with a quick "no" before Ryan could. 

Another unfortunate side effect of insomnia was the fact that Shane's fine motor skills had become a little more clumsy. He dropped a pen on the floor one day, literally no once else paying him any mind, until Ryan was right in front of him. 

Ryan didn't just stoop down to get the pen. He deliberately got down on both knees, ass resting against his heels as he picked up the pen and held it out toward Shane in two hands like an offering. Shane may have been able to live with that if Ryan hadn't looked up at him the way he did, eyes wide and wanting. 

"You dropped this," Ryan said softly, his voice so pliant that Shane had to sit with his legs crossed the rest of the day. 

Another day, Shane had tried to come into the office extra early to try to gain the upper hand in the situation. The door was locked and the lights were off when Shane entered so he assumed that he had been successful. When he headed for the kitchen to get his first cup of coffee of the day, Ryan was standing in front of him, a cheeky smile on his face. 

Shane's shoulders slumped. "I need to get by," he said, waiting for Ryan to move. 

"Okay," Ryan said in reply, his smile widening into a wicked grin. 

"So I need you to move," Shane clarified, running a hand through his own hair in frustration. He watched the way Ryan's eyes followed the movement as if mesmerized. 

"Now," Shane demanded, noticing a slight shiver ripple through Ryan. 

Ryan dropped his gaze before peering up at Shane through his eyelashes, appearing deceptively innocent. 

"Make me," he said quietly. 

Shane felt like his brain short-circuited as he grabbed Ryan by the wrists, shoving him up against the wall and pinning Ryan's arms above his head. Shane could feel the hot rush of desire flow through him, worsened by the way Ryan was glassy eyed and panting from just this alone. Shane lightly squeezed Ryan's wrists, forcing his own eyes shut and counting to ten in his head. He then opened his eyes, released Ryan's arms, and wordlessly went to pour himself some coffee. 

Ryan left Shane well enough alone for the remainder of the day and Shane wondered if this was finally the end. Yearning tugged at his heart and Shane tried his best to ignore it. 

When he stepped into the parking lot that evening, Ryan had the audacity to _lean_ against Shane's car, right up against the driver's seat door. Shane rolled his eyes in exasperation, walking over to his car, and standing in front of Ryan with his arms folded. 

"You just never give up, do you?" Shane accused, the lack of sleep dulling his filter. 

"And you never give in," Ryan said back. 

Shane narrowed his eyebrows. This thing was stirring within him, flooding his consciousness and threatening to spill over the brim. His heart raced wildly. He knew this was dangerous territory and the tension between them was so intense that Shane had to close his eyes just to get enough relief to be able to think a little clearer. 

Shane took a deep breath. He wasn't used to this. They weren't used to this. Talking about their feelings. Their wants of one another. But Shane knew that if he didn't say something now, he might do something impulsive and really do some irreparable damage. 

"Tell me what you want," Shane finally managed to say. "And be specific." 

Ryan was silent and when Shane opened his eyes, Ryan was blushing and looking down at his shoes. Shane had never really seen this side of Ryan before. Not fully at least, but glimpses here and there. He waited patiently for what Ryan had to say. He needed to know and Ryan needed to tell him. Even if it was uncomfortable, keeping Ryan in his life was his highest priority. 

When Ryan began to speak, Shane felt like someone had ripped the air from his lungs.


	4. Involvement

The change in Ryan's posture, his expression, was something Shane wasn't sure that he had seen on Ryan before. He'd seen him cautious, scared, and out of his mind terrified. But looking at him now there was this unfamiliar sense of uncertainty. He saw Ryan close his eyes, inhale deeply, and square his shoulders. When Ryan opened his eyes again, his gaze was direct in its intent and breathtakingly raw in its intensity. Shane's heart was pounding so hard that his chest felt sore.

"A girl I went to college with messaged me yesterday," Ryan began and Shane felt his entire body flare with jealousy. 

Ryan hadn't even specified what the conversation was about, but Shane already knew. Thousands of thoughts began to race through Shane's mind until Ryan very subtly pushed himself up off the car and locked his arms behind himself, his fingertips resting against the door. It was such a tiny display of submission that would have gone unnoticed by most, but Shane felt it shoot through him, leaving the tips and fingers of his toes tingling. 

"We used to date," Ryan explained. "She asked if I wanted to get back together, give us another go." 

Shane shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers curling into fists against his thighs. He could hear the words that Ryan was saying, thinking they would lead in one direction, the wish for a normal life, the appeal of bland domesticity. But the way Ryan was standing, the softening of his demeanor, and the heated way he looked up at Shane thorough his eyelashes were telling Shane an entirely different story. 

Ryan exhaled shakily. "I turned her down. And if anyone else asked me...I'd turn them down too." 

Shane swallowed thickly. He knew which way he wanted this to go, but somehow wanting something so immensely made the thought of actually getting it seem like nothing more than a far off daydream. 

Ryan was quiet for a moment before continuing. "I'd turn them down because there is no one else. And there never will be." 

Shane knows that they are both equally terrible at this. Expressing emotions in a genuine way that isn't in the form of a bit, shitty movie references, or immediately followed by sarcastic joking just isn't what they do. But there's an earnestness in Ryan's gaze, a finality in his tone that's almost making Shane dizzy. 

"I know it's weird," Ryan admitted. "It's weird and it's...it's a lot. It's not just about the rough stuff or the--the physical stuff." 

Ryan's cheeks turned bright red and Shane could feel his own cheeks flushing as well. 

"Maybe it would be easier if it was but I--" Ryan said, having to close his eyes and take another deep breath before continuing. 

He opened his eyes, looking up at Shane. "I want everything." 

Shane's chest tightened, want jolting through him like he was being electrocuted. But he steeled himself. He needed to press Ryan just a little further because if there is even a 1% chance that any of this is not 100% clear, if they are not 100% on the same page, Shane knows the fallout would destroy him. 

Shane opened his mouth to speak, but then, as if sensing Shane's uneasiness, the next thing that came out of Ryan's mouth nearly knocked Shane off his feet. 

"One day I want you to put a collar on me that I'll never take off," Ryan said quietly.

Shane felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and he widened his stance a little to conceal the fact that his knees were shaking. Once he regained a bit of his composure, her ran a hand through his own hair. He briefly wondered if he should put a stop to everything right then and there before they crossed a line they could never come back from. But Shane knew that even though they hadn't officially defined anything or progressed physically, they had crossed that line a long time ago. 

"I don't know exactly how familiar you are with...well, anything," Shane began slowly. "Do you understand the significance of what you're saying?"

To Ryan's credit, his gaze never faltered. 

"Most people won't be able to tell the significance because they'll be looking at my hand," Ryan remarked, just barely managing to keep his voice steady, "when they should really be looking at my neck." 

Shane inhaled sharply, placing his hands on his hips and forcing his eyes closed. He could feel the anxiety radiating from Ryan so he put a hand up with a raise of his index finger, prompting Ryan to wait before Ryan's brain dissolved into a panic spiral. When Shane finally trusted himself to speak again, he smiled at Ryan, watching the strain flow from Ryan's shoulders as he smiled back at Shane. 

"If you bulk up more, it might not fit after awhile but thankfully they can be resized," Shane replied and Ryan nearly blinds him with his grin. 

Shane felt himself grinning as well as he gestured towards the car. "Let's go back to mine. Takeout and then we'll...hash out the details."

"I can send you the spreadsheet I made," Ryan offered, holding up his cellphone. 

"Don't you dare," Shane warned as he pointed a finger at him. He paused then, realizing the full meaning of Ryan's words. 

"You made a spreadsheet?" Shane asked incredulously. 

Ryan shrugged. "I do my research." 

Shane stared at Ryan, figuring that this really shouldn't be all that surprising but he stops when he notices hesitation in Ryan's face. 

"It doesn't have to be a spreadsheet. I mean I can--" Ryan started. 

"No," Shane replied shaking his head. "It's not that." 

Ryan looked up at Shane curiously. Shane blushed, looking slightly off to the side. 

"We need to make it back to my apartment and that may be impeded if we get arrested for public indecency," Shane muttered. 

He looked back at Ryan and the two of them burst into laughter. Shane's gaze darkened ever so slightly and he lifted a hand, hooking a finger toward himself in a beckoning motion for Ryan to follow. Shane smirked as Ryan licked his lips and followed Shane to the other side of the car. Shane opened the passenger's side door and motioned with his head for Ryan to get in. He knew it was an incredibly cheesy gesture of chivalry but his assumption that Ryan would appreciate is confirmed when he gets that dreamy expression on his face. 

"I've never done this before," Ryan admitted as Shane drives them to his apartment. 

"Any of it?" Shane asked. 

"I mean I've done some of it, some of the--activities, but..." Ryan clarified and just knowing Ryan is blushing next to him does something to Shane. 

"But?" Shane repeated, encouraging Ryan to continue. 

"Nothing so all-encompassing," Ryan finished. 

Shane felt his heart begin to pound. They'd laid everything out on the table, and even though Shane felt selfish asking, his possessiveness won out in the end. He tries his best to sound casual. 

"But you've wanted a similar arrangement before, right? In your previous relationships?" Shane inquired. His heart slammed against his rib cage as he pulled into his parking space in front of his apartment building. He turned off the car and glanced over at Ryan, feeling Ryan's gaze wrap around him like a warm blanket in a too hot room. 

"No," Ryan whispered. 

It was just a single word but it had so much meaning behind it that Shane's knuckles cracked with how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel. 

"Let's get inside," Shane suggested, the timbre of his voice so low that he just barely hears Ryan gasp softly beside him. 

Desire thrummed through Shane as he stepped out of the car, moving over to the passenger's side and opening Ryan's door. When Ryan steps out, he notices Shane's averted gaze. 

"You okay?" Ryan asked and it pains Shane to witness the fear crawling through Ryan's voice. 

Shane's voice dropped in volume. "Send me the spreadsheet," he ground out. 

Ryan bit back a whimper, nodding in understanding. Shane led the way up to his apartment, Ryan following closely behind him.


	5. Interlaced

They quickly entered Shane's apartment, shutting and locking the door behind themselves. Once again, Shane held up his hand, lifting one index finger. 

"I need to read this first," Shane explained, his voice taking on a bit of a raspy quality. 

He took a few steps back, needing to steel himself, needing to make sure to do this right.

Ryan swallowed thickly and nodded his understanding. Shane pulled up the spreadsheet on his phone. Ryan had divided it into three categories:

**Kinks (What I Like)**

**Soft Limits (Talk First, Down the Line)**

**Hard Limits (No Way Man)**

He looked up at Ryan and raised an eyebrow. 

"Are these parenthetical explanations supposed to be funny or do you really think I'm that clueless?" Shane asked, a sardonic lilt to his voice. 

Ryan shot him a small smile and shrugged. "I don't know how much you know about anything either," he replied. 

A look of realization flashed across Shane's face and Ryan shyly dropped his gaze Shane wasn't nearly as well-researched and knowledgeable about these things as Ryan; but Ryan still wanted him anyway, trusting him that much. Shane felt his stomach drop and continued on once he could form words again.

He began to scroll though Ryan's list of kinks, his eyes widening at its length. Ryan had made sure to include brief definitions because of course he did. Although it was quite helpful. There wasn't anything on there that Shane found to be too odd or unreasonable, at least where Ryan was concerned. There were definitely a few things that didn't surprise him, such as multiple kinks to do with nipples, a few things that were somewhat unexpected, like his wanting to be bitten in one semi-obvious place and also in many non-obvious places. 

A sudden wave of doubt washed over Shane as his thumb rested on a blank cell. He felt a cold unease seeping into him, that fear that this might not work out, that he would lose Ryan forever, that maybe Ryan might be afraid of or disgusted by him after this. Then his eyes landed on the creation date of the document and it gave him pause. 

He looked up at Ryan. "This is dated back to when we were developing Watcher," he commented. 

Ryan nodded, shifting slightly and appearing sheepish. "It's just the first time I wrote anything down," he admitted. 

Shane swallowed thickly. So this had been going on for longer; for both of them. He watched a blush spread over Ryan's cheeks. 

"It was right after I sent the final list of show pitches we'd agreed on," Ryan continued, laughing nervously as he glanced off to the side. "I mean, we've seen more of each other than anyone else for the past, what, like four years? You could have said "Hey man, we had a good run," after Unsolved was gonna end and moved onto something else or worked with someone else; maybe someone you didn't have to be around so damn much. We would have probably stayed friends, maybe seen each other a few times a month for popcorn and horror movies, and there wouldn't be any need for nearly the same level of closeness. But then we decided to start a company from scratch with little money and no business experience. It was risky and it meant that we'd be spending even more time together. You were on board from the beginning." 

Ryan looked up then to meet Shane's gaze. "You stayed."

Shane felt the remaining years of pent up restraint immediately dissipate. He slipped his phone into his pocket and strode over to Ryan, closing his fingers around Ryan's wrists and pinning Ryan's hands against the wall on either side of him. He pressed his body up against Ryan's, claiming Ryan's mouth with his own. Ryan whimpered and shook beneath him and heat washed over Shane at the sound of Ryan being so noisy and needy from kissing alone. He'd always known Ryan to be tactile and sensation seeking, chasing the rush of fear, pushing his physical limits during work outs just to see how far he could go. And now it wasn't just something Shane was observing, but something he was actually drawing out of Ryan.

Shane pulled back to tear off Ryan's t-shirt and toss it aside, gripping Ryan's wrists once more and pressing them to the wall. He leaned in, his face hovering over Ryan's chest so the tease of his hot breath ghosted over Ryan's skin, his nipples, his pecs. He chuckled, his voice dropping in timbre. 

"I wonder how hard you got on camera, playing with your nipples and teasing yourself like that for the world to see, just to get _my_ attention. You're such a little slut Ryan," Shane smirked. 

Ryan moaned deeply at Shane's words alone, and Shane pressed his tongue against one of Ryan's nipples. The sounds that it ripped out of Ryan went straight to Shane's cock, deliciously obscene, but unfortunately, worryingly loud. Shane ripped off the green and blue handkerchief he'd had tied around his neck. 

"I'm moderately concerned what the neighbors will think I'm doing to you," Shane explained, indicating the fabric. 

Ryan laughed softly, nodded his assent and Shane pushed the handkerchief into Ryan's mouth. Shane wrapped his lips around Ryan's nipple, sucking harshly as he was rewarded with Ryan thrashing desperately beneath him. He dragged his teeth across it, dizzy at the sound of Ryan's muffled cries. Shane bit down roughly, working a dark red mark into Ryan's skin. Even if Ryan did play with his nipples in front of the camera now, in front of everyone, the soreness beneath Ryan's fingertips would make it clear who he really belonged to. 

Shane could feel Ryan thrust forward with a shout before sagging heavily against the wall. Shane quirked an eyebrow, releasing one of Ryan's wrists to slip a hand into Ryan's underwear. 

"Did you just come in your pants?" Shane asked, just this side of shocked. 

Ryan looked away, embarrassed, but Shane shook his head and took the handkerchief out of Ryan's mouth. 

"Looks like someone's got it bad," Shane teased gently, pressing his lips firmly to Ryan's. 

Ryan sighed into the kiss and Shane pulled back to look at him. 

Ryan's hair was a wild mess, his glasses slightly askew, his skin slick with sweat, and slightly swollen where Shane had left a mark. He looked entirely debauched, and Shane felt his chest swell with adoration. 

Ryan was still trembling, his breaths heavy and shaky. Shane was painfully hard, admittedly not having expected Ryan to come quite so soon, but Ryan was still his first priority. It wouldn't do to own someone as precious as Ryan and have him not be. Shane forced his own eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths to steel his arousal. He gently took Ryan's hand in his, lacing their fingers together as he tugged him toward the bedroom. 

"Wait, what about--" Ryan began to protest, his words getting lost when Shane slipped his arms around him. 

Shane drew Ryan close, careful not to rub against the bruised part of Ryan's skin. It was odd to feel so overwhelmed by something as simple as a hug, but Shane knew that this was different than the times they had hugged before. There was no obligation to force it to be brief, no fear motivating a level of distance. Shane could now hold him fully. Ryan hugged him back, and it tugged at Shane's heart a little just how tightly Ryan clung to him, as if he were afraid that Shane could slip away at any moment. 

Shane pulled back, undoing the button and zipper on Ryan's pants, and pulling them down and off along with Ryan's boxers. Shane ran his hands along Ryan's thighs, his chest, his arms, knowing that one day Ryan's entire body would be claimed under his touch. He gently pressed Ryan onto the bed before removing his own clothes. Shane then lifted each of Ryan's wrists individually, inspecting for any signs of redness or bruising. Finding none, he slid into bed beside Ryan, drawing him into his arms. Ryan wrapped his arms around Shane, squirming a little when his knee brushed against Shane's hard cock, causing Shane to shiver a little. 

"Here, let me--" Ryan started, but Shane silenced him with another kiss. 

"I've got to pace you," Shane explained, and Ryan nearly fell apart at the implications of that right then and there. 

Ryan leaned in against Shane as Shane's fingers traveled over Ryan's back, tracing random patterns along his skin. 

"You at least have to let me make it up to you later," Ryan told him and Shane pulled back, eyebrows rising in warning. "P-please?" Ryan asked softly, eyes falling to the bedspread. 

"I suppose that can be arranged, seeing how badly you want it," Shane chuckled, pressing a kiss to Ryan's forehead. 

Ryan smiled softly, relaxing against him.


	6. Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to update the tags for this one so...you might want to take a look if this sort of thing isn't your cup of tea!

"Is it later yet?" Ryan asked about 10 minutes later, his arms still around Shane. 

"You're insufferable," Shane sighed. 

Ryan smiled up at him softly. Shane was well-acquainted with that smile; it was always earnest, but now it appeared less guarded as well. He gently brushed his fingers through Ryan's hair. 

"We should have implemented a tapping signal for when you want me to stop but can't speak," Shane told him quietly. 

Ryan nodded. "Two for stop, one for slow down?" he suggested. 

"We should have done that before I shoved my scarf in your mouth," Shane replied, tracing his fingers along Ryan's neck. 

Ryan blushed at the memory. He shrugged. "Hey, we're both inexperienced right?" 

Shane shook his head. "Safety is paramount regardless," he countered. 

Ryan nodded slowly, pulling back to look at Shane. His gaze was so pliant, so trusting, that it made Shane's head feel light. Ryan's cheeks reddened further and his voice shook as he spoke. 

"Are you gonna make me beg?" 

Shane bit back a moan at that, reeling from the idea that Ryan wanted to get Shane off, just as badly as Shane wanted to get off. Shane's expression darkened, his fingers tightening in Ryan's hair. He gave it a light tug, feeling his cock leak a little as Ryan whimpered under his touch.

Shane flipped Ryan onto his back, pinning Ryan's arms above his head. He gazed down at him hungrily, eyes raking in the sight of Ryan's sculpted, naked form. Shane was also now very aware of the fact that he himself was still very much dressed. He leaned down to whisper in Ryan's ear. 

"Keep your hands where I put them. Don't move," Shane murmured darkly. 

Ryan breathed out shakily, but kept his hands where Shane instructed him to once Shane let go of his wrists. Shane began unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers moving torturously slow. He had never really been the sort to put his body on display in pictures, but Ryan was watching him with rapt attention, Ryan was forcing himself to stay still, to not reach out, because Shane had commanded it. 

"Tell me Ryan," Shane said, watching satisfactorily as Ryan's cock grew fully hard. "How often do you think about this when you touch yourself?" 

"Every time," Ryan admitted, his cheeks burning at the confession. 

Shane smirked as he began unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. "What was your most recent fantasy?" he inquired, amused by the way Ryan eyes werre following every movement of Shane's hands to remove his clothes. 

Ryan swallowed thickly, his gaze drifting to the side. Shane leaned forward so that he was looming over him. He slipped his index finger beneath Ryan's chin. 

"Look at me," Shane told him. 

Ryan shivered as he turned to look at Shane, his mouth feeling dry at the intensity of Shane's gaze. He bit his lip; it was embarrassing to talk about something he rarely ever discussed even conceptually, but that feeling only turned him on more. His flush spread from his cheeks down his neck as he struggled to get the words out. Shane smiled down at him wickedly. 

"I want you to touch yourself right now, while you tell me what filthy thoughts flitted through your mind the last time you fucked yourself over me," Shane commanded. 

Ryan's body arched off the bed, and he lowered his hand down to wrap around his cock. He looked up at Shane shyly, but his pupils were blown and the way he was teasing his thumb over the head let Shane know that Ryan was enjoying this just as much as he was.

"I had a collar around my neck," Ryan said softly, slowly beginning to stroke himself. 

Shane's eyes drank in the way Ryan's face contorted with need, his ears reveling in the panting that was spilling out of him. 

"Y-you uh...you had a leash," Ryan went on, dropping his gaze once more. 

Shane snapped his fingers, and Ryan immediately looked up at him. "Eyes on me," he said darkly. 

Ryan whined, his strokes growing faster as he rolled a nipple between the thumb and forefinger of his free hand. 

"Fuck," Shane groaned, unable to take it anymore as he pulled Ryan's hands away from touching himself. 

Shane pinned Ryan's wrists on either side of him, pausing for a moment with a thoughtful expression on his face. 

"Shane?" Ryan asked, a hint of worry in his voice. 

Shane faltered for a moment. "I uh...haven't done anything with a guy before," he admitted. 

"Me neither," Ryan said back. "I'd never wanted to before." 

Shane watched as Ryan's chest rose and fell, the way he kept licking his lips, the openness of his expression. He shifted Ryan slightly, trying to hide the fact that he himself was shaking as he pressed his body against Ryan's, still making sure he could see his face. 

"Oh god," Ryan groaned, thrusting upward, his cock brushing against Shane's. 

Shane ground against Ryan again, shuddering at the sensation. His movements grew faster, and he watched in awe as Ryan bit down on his own lower lip to keep himself quiet. Shane leaned down, lightly brushing his tongue along the seam of Ryan's lips, which parted for him readily. Shane thrust his tongue into Ryan's mouth, kissing him possessively. He trailed kisses down Ryan's cheek, the line of his jaw before moving to his neck. Ryan let out a cry at that, his movements growing more insistent. 

"You like that?" Shane asked. 

Ryan nodded vehemently in reply. 

"What happened with the leash?" Shane asked lowly, nipping lightly at Ryan's neck. 

"You led ah--you led me around the office and m-made me, Jesus fucking Christ-- made me crawl around on my hands and knees," Ryan replied, gasping needfully between his words. 

"Is that all?" Shane inquired, brushing his tongue along Ryan's collarbone as Ryan thrashed beneath him. 

"You fu-fucked me on fucking hell-- on the Watcher Weekly couch while oh-- while everyone w-watched," Ryan said breathlessly. 

Shane sunk his teeth into Ryan's neck, suckling at the skin, and felt Ryan completely fall apart beneath him, spilling between them. With a few more thrusts, Shane was over the edge as well, coming hard against Ryan's thigh. Shane rolled off of Ryan and collapsed next to him. He reached over to take Ryan's hand in his as their shuddering breaths slowly started to calm. 

"Gonna get a washcloth to clean us up," Shane said after awhile. 

He gently squeezed Ryan's hand, wanting to be sure that he would be alright. The bathroom wasn't really all that far away, but Shane wanted to ensure Ryan felt safe and alright at all times. He received a soft squeeze and a smile back. Shane grinned down at him as he pulled away to retrieve a damp washcloth. He cleaned over Ryan and himself before tossing it aside and sliding into bed. He drew Ryan into his arms and Ryan's hands immediately moved up to clutch at Shane's shoulders. He began rubbing soothing circles over Ryan's back, and Ryan quickly fell asleep too. Shane watched him for awhile, brushing a stray hair from Ryan's brow as he soon found himself drifting off too. 

Shane slept well that night.


	7. Incineration

Shane woke up the following morning before Ryan did. Ryan was notorious for sleeping in. Shane eyed the relaxed features of Ryan's face, the way he was curled up, his soft hair hanging down messily in his eyes. Shane gently brushed Ryan's hair to the side, smirking as Ryan blinked his eyes open. Ryan smiled up at him and Shane felt warm inside. Shane brought his fingers down to the visible bruise he'd sucked onto Ryan's neck, admiring the lovely purple and red mark he'd left on him. Ryan shivered at the touch. 

"TJ's gonna give me so much crap for this," Ryan mumbled. 

Shane felt a rush of nerves run through him. They hadn't talked about revealing any of this to their co-workers. He doubted any of them would be surprised, but he also was slightly concerned over how they might react. Additionally, he'd only ever been in relationships with women, and he was struck with novel feelings of fear. 

"You're gonna tell TJ about us?" Shane asked, the hesitation apparent in his voice. 

Ryan blushed and shook his head. "Not if you don't want me to," he replied, dropping his gaze. 

Shane placed his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "I do want you to, eventually. But, we should wait on that I think. Wait until we've been together a little longer." 

Ryan nodded in understanding but he still looked a bit wounded by Shane's words. 

"What do you want for breakfast?" Ryan asked, changing the subject and standing up from the bed. 

Shane quirked an eyebrow. "Since when do you cook?" he inquired. 

Ryan smirked. "Well I've known how to use a cellphone since high school." 

Shane shook his head fondly. "You're unbelievable." 

***

Later that night, Ryan and Shane went out for a drink with some of their old friends from Buzzfeed. It was a rare occurrence to be able to coordinate everyone's schedules. Ryan and Shane sat next to each other like they normally did, but they didn't touch or otherwise indicate that they were together in any way. 

Ryan left to go get a refill, and Shane continued talking with the rest of the table. They were discussing the nuances in Hitchcock films when Jen smirked, and let out a chuckle. 

"Hey check out Ryan over there! Looks like no lady _or_ dude can resist Biceps Begara!" she joked. 

Shane's head turned so fast he practically got whiplash. Ryan's back was up against the bar, drink in hand, while some guy Shane didn't know was leaning in close to Ryan. Shane could tell from here that Ryan felt uncomfortable, but being the non-confrontational and kind person that Ryan was, he was struggling to exit the conversation. Shane stood, walking briskly to the bar, and felt like he might explode with unbridled jealousy when the guy had the audacity to caress the hickey Shane had left on Ryan's neck. 

"Hey babe," Shane said as he stepped next to Ryan, slipping an arm around his waist, his fingers digging possessively into Ryan's hip. 

The guy raised his eyebrows at the same time Ryan did. It would have been comical if Shane wasn't practically shaking with rage. Shane slipped the fingers of his freehand beneath Ryan's jaw, turning his head to the side so that the bruise on his neck was bared. 

"Hmmm, my mark is starting to fade. I should remedy that," Shane stated and before Ryan could even string a thought together, Shane's mouth was on Ryan's neck, sucking roughly at the hickey he'd left there. 

Ryan's knees buckled, a hand coming up to clutch at Shane's shirt, whimpering softly in an effort to tamper the moan that threatened to escape him. Shane pulled back, raising an eyebrow in challenge to the guy that had been hitting on Ryan. Shane smiled wickedly when he saw the man shove his hands into his pockets and stalk off, mumbling something under his breath. The fingers on Ryan's hip tightened, and Ryan pressed his face to Shane's chest to muffle his cry. Shane leaned in to whisper in Ryan's ear.

"Home. Now," Shane said. 

Ryan shivered in reply as the two made their way to the parking lot and Shane called them a Lyft.


	8. Intoxication

Shane and Ryan were barely through the door before Shane was crowding against Ryan, hands fisted into Ryan's shirt as he shoved him up against the door. He pressed his mouth to the hickey on Ryan's neck, kissing over it roughly, making sure not to bite because he knew he would draw blood if he did. Ryan quivered beneath him, his hands scrambling to grasp at Shane's shoulders to balance himself against the possessive onslaught. 

Shane pulled Ryan into the bedroom, and pushed him onto the bed. He drew back for a moment to rip off Ryan's shirt, and tear the belt Shane had been wearing from its loops. Shane secured Ryan's hands above his head with the belt and Ryan's lips parted in surprise. Shane's mouth latched onto Ryan's clavicle, making the other man writhe beneath him, his moans drowning out the lewd sounds of Shane insistent suckling. He moved down along Ryan's chest, leaving bites wherever he could, marking him up with each connection of teeth to skin.

Ryan's voice was coming out in broken, desperate moans, thrusting up to meet whatever touch Shane would give him. 

"Safeword," Shane ground out. "Traffic light system of red, yellow, and green until we decide on something more concrete?"

Ryan nodded.

Shane sighed, fighting to keep his breathing under control. "Need to hear you say it." 

"Yes sir," Ryan replied softly, and it took every bit of restraint Shane had to hold himself back. 

"Two taps for stop, one for slow down," Shane said, his tone dropping low, making Ryan squirm. 

"Clean?" Shane asked, and Ryan's look met his with an expression of confusion. 

Shane pulled back a little, staring down at Ryan darkly, and tentatively, brushing his fingers over Ryan's cock and entrance. 

"Y-Yes sir," Ryan shuddered. 

"Good, so am I," Shane replied, ripping off the rest of Ryan's clothes and his own. 

He curled a hand in Ryan's hair, lifting the palm of the other in front of Ryan's face. 

"Lick," Shane instructed. 

Shane wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting, but Ryan didn't just simply lick a line from wrist to finger tips. Ryan lapped eagerly at the sides of Shane's hand, groaning as his tongue ran over each of Shane's fingers individually, lingering in the spaces between them. 

"Ryan..." Shane whispered, feeling like the air had been punched out of him. 

His eyes roved over Ryan's body, red and purple with his marks, sheen with sweat, and Ryan's cock was leaking onto his stomach. Shane's mind went blank for a moment before he came back to himself. His cheeks flushed at his next question. 

"So have you ever...?" Shane trailed off, brushing his fingers against Ryan's entrance again. 

Ryan shivered, pressing into the touch. 

"N-not with anyone else," Ryan admitted. 

Shane's eyes widened. "But you...you've done this to yourself?" he asked breathlessly. 

Ryan's gaze dropped to the side. "Three's my highest max; wasn't sure how big you were," he mumbled. 

"Fuck," Shane cursed, his hands trembling with want. He calmed himself just enough to ease the very tip of his index finger inside Ryan. 

Ryan let out a strangled cry at the feeling which surprised Shane, given that Ryan had at least some experience with doing this. He pressed his finger in further, watching Ryan bite back a scream. He glanced down at Ryan curiously. 

"You said you've done this before," Shane told him, thinking it would be odd for Ryan to lie about it at this point. 

"Reality's way better than imagination," Ryan breathed, and Shane braced his free hand against Ryan's knee, his own cock throbbing painfully against his thigh. 

Once he had finished working Ryan open, he gave him the same command to lick his hand. Ryan repeated the action, this time a lot more quickly and sloppily than before. 

"Fuck, Sh-sir, p-please," Ryan whimpered, unable to coherently string his words together. 

Shane slicked up his own cock, brushing a thumb along Ryan's hip as he slowly began to ease himself in. Shane had barely grazed Ryan's hole when he watched Ryan's legs spread further apart. Shane shook with the strain of sinking into Ryan gradually, not wanting to hurt him, and yet needing to rip him down to rawness for Shane to see and put back together. Ryan let out little breathy moans, futilely trying to reach his arms up when Shane was fully inside him. The look Ryan was giving him was so tender that Shane felt himself cloaked in its warmth. He placed one hand on Ryan's hip, using his other to enclose Ryan's hand. Shane began to thrust slowly into Ryan, watching in awe and satisfaction as Ryan thrashed around, pushing down and tightening around Shane's cock before moving wildly again. 

Shane had seen Ryan in pain before, but this was different. Ryan's face was slack and open, his eyes dark and his lips wet. And it drove Shane absolutely wild. His thrusts grew faster, gradually growing harsher, and the more he gave and gave, the more Ryan took and took. He hit Ryan's prostate and other man came apart, moaning loudly as he spilled onto his stomach and chest as Shane watched with wide eyed fascination, stilling his movements. Ryan had barely caught his breath before he was looking directly at Shane. 

"Why'd you stop?" Ryan asked, the gravelly sound of his voice sending heat straight to Shane's cock. 

Shane blinked. "Because you--" 

"Please, use me," Ryan panted heavily. "Fill me up." 

"Fuck Ryan," Shane moaned, feeling Ryan's words curl around his ears and invade his mind. 

He pushed into Ryan again, his movements rough and fast, and Ryan threw his head back, crying out in unabashed ecstasy. Shane came hard and without warning, and Ryan responded with a taut choked off sound, tightening around Shane's cock and leaving Shane's body feeling limp. Shane placed his hands on Ryan's knees, leaning against him weakly. 

"I'm gonna pull out now," Shane said softly, but Ryan tightened around him again, and Shane nearly forgot how to speak. 

"Not yet," Ryan whispered, wrapping his legs around Shane's back. 

Shane nodded in reply, lightly tracing his fingertips along the bites and bruises that decorated Ryan's skin, lingering on the mark on Ryan's neck. 

"I don't think even a collar could cover up that baby," Ryan teased as he smiled up easily at Shane. 

Shane grinned. "Well once it comes in you can try it on and we can find out." 

"Once it--Wait, you mean you ordered it already?" Ryan asked. 

Shane blanched, dropping his gaze. "I mean obviously you wouldn't be wearing it until you were ready to, but I uh--wanted to see how it looked," Shane mumbled. 

Ryan looked up at Shane curiously, and Shane could feel those brow eyes reading him, thumbing through his pages. 

"Is uh...is that the only reason?" Ryan inquired quietly. 

Shane was still for a moment before shaking his head. "I wasn't even going to mention it until we were further down the line." 

Ryan gazed up at Shane in earnest, and his expression was so lovely that Shane had to lean down to kiss him. His lips lingered on Ryan's, the other man leaning into Shane before Shane drew back once more. 

"If you'd asked me to wear it yesterday, I would have said yes," Ryan confessed, his eyes filled with conviction. 

Shane's eyes widened. He adjusted himself carefully, remaining inside Ryan as he pulled Ryan into his arms and flush against his chest. He gently rubbed the back of Ryan's head with the pads of his fingers, letting out a soft hum of satisfaction as Ryan's arms tightly wrapped around him.


	9. Invigoration

A few days later, Ryan and Shane arrived home from work early, in time to catch the mailman delivering a package. Shane felt his breath hitch when he saw the return address, but quickly signed for it befoe Ryan and he entered Shane's apartment. They stepped inside and discarded their bags, with Shane keeping a careful hold on the package. Ryan turned around to face him, noting his cautious behavior. 

"Did Sherry Madej send you some sort of precious Midwestern knick knack?" Ryan teased. 

Shane looked at him with a heavy expression and Ryan's thoughts began to swirl. Shane seemed to sense it because he took a step forward immediately, and said that the package's contents were for Ryan, but Shane wanted to give it to him properly. Shane watched Ryan's knees buckle a little, could see the flush in his cheeks. He smiled at Ryan adoringly as he opened the package to reveal a silver day collar; it was just a simple chain, with an open circle dangling from the center. It wasn't anything extravagant but it was meant to be subtle, a quiet statement that Ryan belonged to Shane. He could feel himself blush as he showed Ryan that he'd had their initials engraved on the inside. He heard Ryan sniffle and saw that his eyes were a little wet and his heart swelled with adoration. 

"Kneel," Shane told him quietly, and Ryan did so without hesitation. 

Shane placed the collar around Ryan's neck, beaming as he watched Ryan's fingertips trail along it. 

"That design has a secondary purpose too," Shane said, biting back a grin as Ryan's wide, curious eyes gazed up at him. 

Shane took Ryan's hand, pulling him to his feet, and leading him into the bedroom. Clothes were quickly torn off and Shane lightly eased Ryan onto the bed. 

"Close your eyes," he whispered. 

Ryan did so, as Shane made his way to the closet.

Shane retrieved what he needed and walked back over to where Ryan sat. He affixed something to Ryan's collar, giving it an experimental tug, pulling Ryan forward and making him shiver. 

"Open your eyes," Shane said quietly. 

Ryan did so, eyes widening as he saw Shane holding a leash in his hands. Ryan held up his hand to run his fingers along the leather, hesitating as he looked up at Shane. 

Shane nodded in silent permission, watching the way Ryan's fingers moved over it. His face broke into a grin, seeing the way Ryan admired his collar, his leash. 

"I'm honored, Sir," Ryan said quietly, and it was just on the edge of being too much for Shane to handle. 

Shane titled Ryan's chin up to take a better look at the collar, the way it adorned Ryan's neck. He inhaled sharply before roughly tugging on the leach and pulling Ryan into a bruising kiss. Their lips had barely made contact before Shane's tongue was sliding into Ryan's mouth, his other hand coming up to thread his fingers through Ryan's hair before he tugged at it roughly. Ryan moaned deeply, squirming where he sat on the bed. Shane watched with a hungry look in his eyes; that eager, sometimes impatient passion had been one of the many things that drew Shane to Ryan. It was as if there was this immense supply of energy that thrummed through him, so intense that spilled over the outside, lighting up Ryan's entire being. 

Shane tugged the leash again, pulling Ryan to his feet. The height difference was more noticeable from this angle, Ryan having to crane his neck back slightly to look up at Shane. He looked over Ryan appraisingly as he watched Ryan clench his fists at his sides, his cock already hard and leaking from this alone. He leaned down to whisper in Ryan's ear as he kept a tight hold on the leash. 

"I want you to get on your knees, and beg me to fuck you. I want to see how fucking desperate you are to have my cock in your ass," Ryan whimpered at that, immediately sinking down to the floor to kneel. 

Shane felt his heart pounding as he now had to look even further down at Ryan. Ryan was performing for Shane, his feet tucked behind him, his posture straight, and his hands resting dutifully on his thighs, even though they trembled with want. The pleading look in Ryan's eyes tore something in Shane, and he curled a hand around Ryan's cheek, gently urging him on with a swipe of his thumb. 

"Please sir," Ryan began, and Shane grunted at the soft and subdued way Ryan was speaking. "Please fuck me with your cock. Please be rough. Take everything you want. Please sir." 

Shane practically growled as he hauled Ryan to his feet and pushed him down flat on the bed. Shane pressed his hand down on the top of Ryan's back. 

"No humping the bed," Shane warned. "And no coming until I tell you too." 

Ryan let out a choked off whine but nodded just the same. He gasped out something incoherent as Shane dipped his hand beneath Ryan to use his precome to slick up his cock. 

"Why even bother to buy lube when my fuck toy makes his own?" Shane said darkly, making Ryan groan.

His words were nastier, more demeaning, and Ryan was lapping it. 

Shane reached a hand around to push past Ryan's lips, and he shuddered as Ryan's tongue ran along them, leaving no amount of skin untouched. When Shane pulled his fingers out, they were dripping and he pushed two fingers into Ryan this time. Ryan yelped, and Shane was worried that he'd hurt Ryan, but smirked when he saw the other man pressing back against his fingers. He withdrew his fingers, hearing Ryan moan at the loss, his breath coming out in broken gasps as Shane pressed the tip of his finger to Ryan's entrance, tracing over it slowly. He could see Ryan's body taut and straining with the effort of controlling his arousal. 

Shane slid into him, a little more roughly than he had done before, but he was careful to ensure that Ryan was okay the whole time. He listened to the cadence of Ryan's moans, watched as a sheen of sweat illuminated his skin, noticing that he was tensing but not too much. Ryan's safety was paramount, but Shane couldn't help but catalog every little detail about Ryan every time they fucked, mentally revisiting those details after. He slowly began sliding in and out of Ryan, still keeping hold of the leash to keep Ryan in place. Ryan shook beneath him, fists curling in the bed sheets as Shane fucked him with increasing roughness and speed. At first Ryan spread his legs and rubbed back against Shane but his body was tired from the strained need for release that he was trying to resist, and the way Shane was fucking him with Shane's own pleasure him mind, what felt good to Shane, and that is what felt amazing to Ryan. He loved feeling filled like this, feeling like a vessel for Shane's deep and primal desires. He felt a tug at his hair, and he moaned deeply as Shane hit is prostate. 

Ryan was dizzy and could feel his pent up need threatening to release at any moment. He furrowed his brow, trying to concentrate on not coming, but that was made even more difficult by the unabashed sounds Shane was making, the way he'd spit Ryan's name at him like a curse with intensity rather than venom. With a low groan, Shane was coming hard inside him, his movements jagged, his pace uneven and it was just enough to send Ryan over the edge. 

Shane collapsed against Ryan's back and he could feel Ryan shaking beneath him. It was heavier now, but Shane assumed it was just from the sex. 

When Shane heard Ryan sniffle, he slowly pulled out and turned Ryan over, his hand coming up to cup Ryan's cheek. 

"Sorry," Ryan mumbled, not meeting Shane's eyes. 

Shane looked down at him in confusion. "For what?" he asked. 

Ryan gestured vaguely to his sticky stomach. "I tried to uh...not--not to but um..." 

Ryan swallowed thickly, and Shane could see slight wetness at the corner of Ryan's eyes before he leaned down to press his lips to Ryan in a soft and tender kiss. He allowed his lips to linger before pulling back to look at Ryan. The resulting grin made Shane's chest grow warm and he nearly lost his balance as Ryan threw his arms around him. Shane plucked his shirt off the floor and wiped them both clean before settling his arms around Ryan. 

"You know," Shane said as he traced his fingertips along Ryan's spine. "I doubt we could get away with bringing the leash to work but I do have a few other...things coming in the mail." 

Ryan's cheeks flushed as he pulled back to look at Shane. "Whatever it is...it won't make too much noise will it?" 

Shane shook his head. "No, but you might," he winked. 

Ryan huffed, looking away shyly easing at the warmth of Shane's laughter. 

The next time they went into work, Ryan sported his day collar as both of them tried to hide their giddiness. They hadn't out right declared their relationship but they had a feeling that their more perceptive staff members probably noticed at least a slight shift. 

"Hey Ryan," Katie said when she saw him. 

Ryan was about to return her greeting but Katie spoke before he could. 

"Nice necklace," she said slyly, glancing at Shane before giving Ryan a wink. 

Ryan felt like his entire body went red as he hurried off to his desk.


End file.
